i'm feeling down today.. been sick with gastric problems. albeit serious stomach bloatedness. food that goes in only felt like going out. and i really hope to get better soon, before i start work next week.

i'm feeling down because of another thing too. i realised that i misunderstood mum.. today she told me over the phone that yesterday she cried when she saw ayah's photo. i feel for her. and how big an impact, the loss of our dad is having on her.

if to me, even when now its May.. more than 6 months since he passed away. its still feels like yesterday. i cannot possibly imagine how mum is feeling now. i miss ayah too. because he is not here to share with me the major things in my life.. the feeling of regrets still drove deep into my heart.

i thought of how mum, kak su & adik ayu are leading their lives daily now, without me watching out for them. and i worry. because all my life, i have always been watching out for them. i even wished if only we all live together under one roof......