well its late in the night. was trying to sleep since 9.30pm but couldn't... but instead ended up doing a lot of thinking. about the future plans.... or rather, work. realization struck that i have somehow lost the will and motivation to carry on working in the current workplace. i asked myself what am i still doing here. when i should have moved on when i should.

in the past i didnt have a good reason. i thought about how difficult it can be to find the next job. the rounds and rounds of uncomfortable interviews (yeah, i never enjoyed any of them)... uncomfortable, sure. and yet necessary.

i considered my priorities in life. my health had been bad for the last 9 months. i desperately needed to get away.. aka a holiday, but then i couldnt because of the little miracle in my tummy. work sucks. with a domineering boss. it sucks. the only consolation is an understanding husband who loves me with all his heart... and i love him too.

being happy is not a matter of destiny.. it is a matter of options. i choose to be happy, i will be. when baby Z is born.. a few things will change. i will focus more on my family... and in the meantime while taking care of baby... i will probably hunt for a new job. one that gives more balance... between life, family and career.